Does anyone remember when SHRM came out with the research findings that 15% of our career success is the result of expertise while 85% is the result of interpersonal skills? Leadership is all about relationships, which explains why today’s leadership development industry represents a plethora of ways to increase career success via leadership/personal development. The biggest challenge is getting at root cause. Too many approaches only target the symptoms described in 360s without getting at root cause, thereby undermining permanent, positive change or rendering one to appear “scripted”. Getting at root cause is the fastest route to one’s authenticity. When you experience yourself making a meaningful human connection with another person, you experience authenticity and trust. Amazing what those kinds of relationships create in the name of workplace harmony and revenue. And based on “wherever you go, there you are,” relationships at home improve either at the same rate or faster for most people who make root-cause changes in the name of leadership training. You just can’t go to the next higher level without going to the next deeper level. Want to learn how this is done? Stay tuned.

Whether your definition of “the good life” is childlike joy, inner peace within your own skin, monetary wealth, or abundant time for whatever your desires, having the keys to achieving the good life must fit the lock that stands between your current reality and your envisioned reality.  I see these keys for the good life as represented by the two pre-requisites of self- and other-awareness because they ensure our relationship with ourselves and others are satisfying and in harmony. No matter what other fortunes we enjoy, and no matter what uncontrollable misfortunes we may endure, these two prerequisites directly impact our acceptance of those things we cannot change and our gratitude for that which we are blessed. “If you don’t have what you want, then want what you have.”

Last month we said we’d report back to you regarding our last post on the role of communication/self-awareness as we went about some major renovations in our office kitchen and bathroom areas.  It was a bit of a rocky start given the right hand (electricians) wasn’t always aware of what the left hand (plumbers) was doing and vice versa, which of course was the job of project management.  How did it correct itself so quickly? Well, it didn’t correct itself, which is why communication is so pivotal. It was simply a matter of the office owner (yours truly here) taking the initiative to ask questions regarding her shared observations of the aforementioned. I first plead ignorance with the project manager when it comes to the construction industry, which seemed to remove any sense of threat. I broached the topic in an information-gathering mode (“Hey, educate me here.”) while allowing everyone to hear my concerns out of possible ignorance. It’s a communication tactic that has its place in certain situations. And there are variations of this as well. For example, anybody remember the TV series Colombo back in the olden days? He was “dumb as a fox” while taking care of business. You could say all this is related to the value of humility in effective leadership.

We’re doing some major renovations in our office kitchen and bathroom areas and have some self-awareness reflections to share regarding customer service. Labor includes electricians, plumbers, and skilled labor, which means, most importantly, a project manager to coordinate all this.

Our own clients know that self-awareness is really other-awareness, and we find that those who are high in self-awareness coordinate well because they are considerate of others’ schedules and can appreciate “time is money” for everyone beyond themselves.

We will be reporting on how things turn out, given we have had a bit of a mixture going on here so far in terms of the “awareness” factor.  Wouldn’t it be cool to have several locations and compare how the team does after the members experience a Self-Awareness Workshop versus a team without self-awareness training? Stay tuned!

My biggest blunder in sales during my earlier years was related to when “more is less”. I would oversell. I honestly just couldn’t see how someone would NOT want our hallmark PLDP, so I figured I must be leaving out something. Or maybe they needed more proof. I finally resorted to another version of the law of polarities, a positive one that goes like this:

When you give up control, you get it. I abandoned the need to control the outcome of the sale and found I could live with “just ask the basic questions, give the basic facts, and answer any and all questions.” Funny thing, sales went up when my “efforts” went down.

Drawing upon a submission to The Leadership Trust® LinkedIn Group from Michelle Poche Flaherty  (Founder & President, City on a Hill Consulting, Inc.), I find fascinating this recent HBR article by Zenger and Folkman on “Are You Sure You’re Not a Bad Boss?”. Sometimes when I present to audiences interested in leadership topics, I ask them if they’ve ever known a leader who ____________.  Regardless of the negative behavior I throw out there, the hands are certain to shoot up, but when I ask if anyone out there might do this stuff, there is inevitably some nervous laughter. It’s so easy to see in others what we may miss in ourselves. I’m collecting observations from your own experiences regarding damaging SUBTLE behaviors. Here’s the link to stimulate your thoughts: http://blogs.hbr.org/cs/2012/08/are_you_sure_youre_not_a_bad_b.html

Unbelievable! I just replenished a bottle of a nectar concoction for my backyard hummingbirds. Five can easily feed from this bottle and could feed nonstop for an indefinite period of time (thanks to my watchful eye to provide such abundance). Despite all this, the aggression I witness among these birds eliminates any from enjoying this non-stop fountain of fulfillment.  Why this self-defeating ritual that usurps their limited energy to maintain up to 90 flaps of their wings PER SECOND! Because like some self-defeating humans,  they see their world from the perspective of scarcity. Isn’t it amazing this “law of polarities” that ensures it is in giving that we receive! That’s effective leadership. It’s also effective love-ship. When we take care of others, we vicariously take care of ourselves.

The other day I watched “Michael Phelps equal the record for medals won by an Olympic athlete when he claimed silver in the final of the 200m butterfly as Chad le Clos of South Africa took victory with the final stroke.” But what I observed next was perhaps a stunned Phelps seemingly snub the friendly attempt of the gold medalist who was reaching out to acknowledge Phelps with a pat on the back.  Le Clos’ gracious gesture did not even earn him eye contact. Not even a murmured, “Congrats.” Nada. So maybe Phelps was stunned and oblivious. All the same, this is a perfect example of how mindfulness would have offered Phelps a chance to appear gracious in his loss to Chad le Clos.  By contrast, Le Clos’ comments later to the press showed leadership at its best:  “Michael’s my hero, and I didn’t expect to win.”

[It should be noted that much later Phelps was seen engaging Le Clos in congratulatory fashion. Timing is such a critical piece in how people perceive leadership dynamics.]

On November 17, 2011 I found myself trapped in my car after a driver lost control of her car in a 70 MPH zone on I-40 and crossed over the median hitting the driver in front of me, whereupon both vehicles hit me at full impact. Coming to a screeching halt within nanoseconds of the speed limit left me counting my blessings when I could see the tragic loss of life within mere feet of my car.  With nearly 80 health-care appointments behind me along with my first post-wreck workshop, I can say that I am a better me. This does not mean I am back to baseline to previous functioning along with some valuable expenses to draw upon for future reference. What it means is that I experienced an internal shift within myself that I really like. My personal faith has deepened right along with my appreciation for some of life’s smallest matters only because I elect to attend to them. I manage stressful events better than before, and create time for others when there is absolutely nothing in it for me other than the pure pleasure of giving. What’s especially interesting about all this is the fact that I would have described myself before the accident exactly as what I just wrote. The difference is all in degrees, which is exactly what separates good leaders from great ones.  Foregoing a life threatening situation, what else can give people that 212^th degree that takes them to a whole new level?

Anger is actually a cover-up for fear, hurt, or sadness, but we’re so caught up in our anger that we rarely connect with the soft emotions it tends to belie. Typically when someone makes us angry, we see a direct relationship between our upset and their comment or action.  Yet all of our emotions are driven by beliefs and life experiences, which can explain why some people are oblivious to the same comment that seems to unravel someone else. So what might this suggest? If I have a belief somewhere in the recesses of my mind (whether from my conscious awareness or unawareness) that I do not measure up or may not be good enough, and someone suggests my project is lagging a bit or may not be addressing all the issues, I may find myself feeling angry. However, if that is not a belief residing in my subconscious or past experiences, I may simply ask “How so?” or “Tell me more,” thereby allowing a healthy discussion culminating in my improved project. Point being, once we know our stuff, we can start to manage our anger before we react to comments that end up robbing us of the very credibility we deserve.

This is but one example of the value of self-awareness in leadership and loveship.